Revising With a Plan
May 28, 2022The Debate Around Story Structure
June 4, 2022Here’s something you’ve probably heard since High School. Said is dead. It means that the worst possible dialogue tag you can use is said. In fact, it would be better if you forgot the word ever existed. Why use a boring word like said when you could use rambled, screamed, bossed, whispered, or pleaded?
Well, this topic isn’t quite as closed as the Said is Dead campers would have you believe, and there really is a choice to be made. Instead of persuading you one way or the other, I plan on laying out all sides of the argument so that you have all the information you need to decide how you are going to approach dialogue tags in a way that will complement your story.
Said Is Dead
With so many words in the English language, it’s difficult to settle for just one word. Besides that, it’s generic. It works in every situation, and doesn’t do much to differentiate the character who is talking. If your character’s throat is dry, why would they say something when they can croak it? That adds depth to the reality that this character is facing.
For example:
Sam lay on the dungeon floor. The giant stones were the only escape from the oppressive miasma of heat. Even that wasn’t enough.
The door at the end of the hallway creaked open, but Sam didn’t raise his head. It didn’t matter whether or not they were coming from him. Just two more moments against the semi-cool stone floor. Just two more—
“Sam?” Maria whispered.
Sam raised his head off the floor. Instantly, his whole body felt five degrees warmer. “What are you doing here?” Sam croaked.
VS
Sam lay on the dungeon floor. The giant stones were the only escape from the oppressive miasma of heat. Even that wasn’t enough.
The door at the end of the hallway creaked open, but Sam didn’t raise his head. It didn’t matter whether or not they were coming from him. Just two more moments against the semi-cool stone floor. Just two more—
“Sam?” Maria said.
Sam raised his head off the floor. Instantly, it felt five degrees warmer. “What are you doing here?” Sam said.
See? After I set the scene to show what these characters were going through, the use of whispered and croaked makes perfect sense. It adds depth, where said would have just been filler.
Adjective Tag Advantage: It adds depth to a character or their situation. This method is best used in a context that enhances the adjective.
What about a situation where using said makes sense?
Said Is Not Dead
Dialogue tags serve a very specific purpose in your narrative. They identify the person who is speaking. In the previous example, in the dungeon with Sam and Marie, it was pretty obvious. The one in the cell was Sam. It doesn’t matter whether he croaked or merely said his dialogue, we all knew who the story was talking about.
What about a situation that isn’t as straightforward? What if there are four characters, all with an important role in a conversation?
“I still want icecream,” Sally said as the other three gathered around the table.
Carl ignored her, in favor of the other three.
“I still think we can pull it off if we hit them now,” Liz was saying.
“So? Thinking is what got us into this mess. If we don’t know, we don’t go.” Rafael said.
Sally pulled at the hem of Carl’s tunic. “I’m hungry!”
Carl took her little hand in his and put a finger up to his lips.
Sally stomped her foot, but didn’t say anything else.
“I-if we adhere to the strategy—” Will said.
“—it could still go just as badly as last time!” Rafael stabbed his finger at the map. “If we don’t have a rock solid plan, we do nothing.”
“But—” Will said.
Liz put her hand on Will’s shoulder. “But nothing. Rafael is right. If we don’t do this right, we’re done for.”
Using said lets us know who is talking, when. What about with more colorful adjectives?
“I still want icecream,” Sally whined as the other three gathered around the table.
Carl ignored her, in favor of the other three.
“I still think we can pull it off if we hit them now,” Liz was explaining.
“So? Thinking is what got us into this mess. If we don’t know, we don’t go.” Rafael roared.
Sally pulled at the hem of Carl’s tunic. “I’m hungry!”
Carl took her little hand in his and put a finger up to his lips.
Sally stomped her foot, but didn’t say anything else.
“I-if we adhere to the strategy—” Will stuttered.
“—it could still go just as badly as last time!” Rafael stabbed his finger at the map. “If we don’t have a rock solid plan, we do nothing.”
“But—” Will whispered.
Liz put her hand on Will’s shoulder. “But nothing. Rafael is right. If we don’t do this right, we’re done for.”
That’s a lot of different actions, and most of them detract from the content of the conversation. The dialogue is pretty self-explanatory. We know Liz is explaining because of what she says. Rafael roaring is a little over-the-top. Will stuttering is already baked into the dialogue; there is no need to say it twice. I might actually give you that last instance of Will whispering. It adds how he is feeling about being overridden by Rafael, so it isn’t completely extraneous. Still, most of these dialogue tags are better when they're unobtrusive.
Said Tag Advantage: Said fades into the background while alleviating confusion about who’s talking. It’s unobtrusive, so it’s a very safe choice.
More importantly, I’d actually like to draw your attention to Carl and Sally. I separated them out in this example to illustrate an essential, but less discussed, component of a dialogue scene. That is an action tag.
Action Tags
The debate about dialogue tags mostly consists of Said is Dead vs. Said is Not Dead, but that debate completely ignores a third type of tag. Not a dialogue tag, but an action tag.
An action tag is where a character's action serves to mark their dialogue. Because an action tag is always within the same paragraph as the dialogue, the reader inherently understands that the person performing the action also spoke the dialogue.
Action tags are the most subtle of the tag types, so you may have missed them earlier. When Sally pulled on Carl's shirt, earlier? Yup! Dialogue tag. Rafael stabbing his finger at the map? Also an action tag. These pieces helped to make the earlier passages much more readable, and really deepened the characterization.
What would the planning meeting scene looked like without action tags? Let's take a look.
“I still want icecream,” Sally whined as the other three gathered around the table.
Carl ignored her, in favor of the other three.
“I still think we can pull it off if we hit them now,” Liz was explaining.
“So? Thinking is what got us into this mess. If we don’t know, we don’t go.” Rafael roared.
Sally said, “I’m hungry!”
Carl took her little hand in his and put a finger up to his lips.
Sally stomped her foot, but didn’t say anything else.
“I-if we adhere to the strategy—” Will stuttered.
“—it could still go just as badly as last time!” Rafael said. “If we don’t have a rock solid plan, we do nothing.”
“But—” Will whispered.
Liz said, “but nothing. Rafael is right. If we don’t do this right, we’re done for.”
The difference between this example and the previous one is that I replaced every single action tag with a said dialogue tag. I could have replaced them with more interesting tags from the Said is Dead camp and this scene would have felt just as lacking.
What is an action tag?
Action tags are when you use someone’s action to identify a speaker. We already know they’re speaking because of the quotes, so a dialogue tag’s purpose is really just to link the words to the speaker, right? Well, why not do that and move the story along at the same time?
Liz put her hand on Will’s shoulder. “But nothing. Rafael is right…”
We know that Liz said this dialogue, even though I never wrote “Liz said”.
The most common examples of action tags are probably the following:
Liz nodded.
Liz sighed.
Liz shook her head.
Liz blinked.
Liz shrugged.
You get the point. They’re action tags that are basically only there in order to identify the speaker. I could write a whole post on action tags, how to avoid misusing them, how to correctly punctuate them, etc. (and I probably will) but, for now, let’s just say that they’re useful.
Action Tag Advantage: Action tags, correctly used, move the story along and help solve the problem of identifying the speaker in complicated conversations with too many characters.
Which Camp is Right for Me?
Here are our two examples again, only done the way I would prefer to write them.
First, our scene in the dungeon.
Sam lay on the dungeon floor. The giant stones were the only escape from the oppressive miasma of heat. Even that wasn’t enough.
The door at the end of the hallway creaked open, but Sam didn’t raise his head. It didn’t matter whether or not they were coming from him. Just two more moments against the semi-cool stone floor. Just two more—
“Sam?” Maria whispered.
Sam raised his head off the floor. Instantly, his body felt five degrees warmer. “What are you doing here?” Sam croaked.
“Getting you out of here,” she said. The lock on the bars of the cell rattled, filling the dungeon with the sounds of a jailbreak.
Sam pulled himself off the floor. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“You really thought we’d leave you here?” The door finally opened, and Marie held her hand out. “You really must be a dimwit. Now, come on!”
Now our planning session:
“I still want icecream,” Sally whined as the other three gathered around the table.
Carl ignored her, in favor of the other three.
“I still think we can pull it off if we hit them now,” Liz was saying.
“So? Thinking is what got us into this mess. If we don’t know, we don’t go.” Rafael said.
Sally pulled at the hem of Carl’s tunic. “I’m hungry!”
Carl took her little hand in his and put a finger up to his lips.
Sally stomped her foot, but didn’t say anything else.
“I-if we adhere to the strategy—” Will said.
“—it could still go just as badly as last time!” Rafael stabbed his finger at the map. “If we don’t have a rock solid plan, we do nothing.”
“But—” Will whispered.
Liz put her hand on Will’s shoulder. “But nothing. Rafael is right. If we don’t do this right, we’re done for."
I hope you can see by now that using said, more creative dialogue tags, or action tags exclusively are a bad idea. Instead, it’s best to mix them. Dialogue getting confusing? Maybe an extra said tag won’t be out of place. Is a character actually doing something before, after, or as they talk? Take advantage of an action tag. Do you need a little extra punch to the character or their situation? Go ahead and use croaked, whispered, etc.
Have any rules of thumb you use to decide between the types of tags? Put them in the comments!
