Info Dumps: what they are, how they work, and how to avoid them
August 18, 20223 Tools to Control Pacing
August 31, 2022
You’re writing a story, but you just can’t seem to get all the way into your character’s head. Maybe you keep getting comments like, “give us more of your character’s thoughts!” or, “show, don’t tell!” or, “cut the moderation!”. All three of these comments point toward the same issue.
In this post, we’ll cover what moderation is (hint: we aren’t talking about limiting excess), how to spot it, and how to avoid it.
Moderation isn’t just about not eating six pounds of chocolate in one sitting. In writing, it can mean something quite different. You’ve all been on a forum monitored by a moderator, right? It’s their job to make sure everyone stays within the rules, plays nice, and nothing gets out of hand. Sometimes, a moderator is someone who facilitates a discussion, such as a meeting or debate. They serve as a go-between to make sure everybody is happy.
In writing, moderators are supposed to do that same thing. They serve as a sort of mostly invisible narrator between the reader and the characters. Sometimes, these moderators are explicitly present, like in Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, where Captain Walton and Victor Frankenstein both narrate their own story through use of frame narrative. Sometimes, like in most modern genre fiction written in third person, the narrator is this invisible character which can be anything from an omniscient light in the sky, to a wispy veil over the POV character’s mind. It is this second sort of moderator we’re interested in today.
Moderation Use in Omniscient Narration
Let’s draw our attention first to the omniscient narrator. Writers employ this sort of moderator to provide a three-dimensional view of the world. These narrators peek into the heads of every character on the page, teasing out tidbits of information to help the reader form a full, objective picture of every scene.
But how? If this narrator is drifting through every mind in this fictional world, how does it convey which thoughts belong to which person without giving the reader whiplash?
Now we’ve come to the meat of the issue. This omniscient narrator uses moderation.
In writing, moderation is a collective term for techniques used to help the reader understand a narrator’s movement. You can think of it as a near-transparent film which sits between the characters and the reader. It colors the thoughts, feelings, and action so the reader can better understand the going ons of the world.
Here’s an example:
Billy felt awful as he sat behind the table. What did I do to deserve this? He asked himself silently.
Detective Sam sat across the table, staring at who he thought was a delinquent boy. The boy looked scared, and a little bit defiant. I’ll soon cure him of that, Detective Sam thought with satisfaction.
In this example, the bolded phrases are moderation. Let’s go through them in order.
Moderation example 1: “Billy felt awful.” The world “felt” is almost always an example of moderation. Instead of getting inside the character’s head and showing the emotion, the narrator is simply telling us. Other examples of this sort of narration include “looked” and “was”.
Moderation example 2: “What did I do to deserve this? He asked himself.” First person thoughts marked by dialogue tags are a wonderful way to avoid confusing your reader while working with an omniscient narrator. Instead of blurting the thoughts out on the page, it labels each word as having come from a specific character’s mind so that your reader doesn’t have to guess. The phrase “Detective Sam thought,” also falls into this category.
Moderation example 3: “Who he thought was.” Any explicit statement of what a character thinks, whether it is conveyed in the first or third person is an example of moderation. It provides a very cut-and-dried way to convey a character’s thoughts and opinions to the reader without having to worry about things being lost in translation.
Now that we’ve looked at how moderation is used to create clarity in omniscient narration, let’s examine moderation use in limited narration.
How to Add Moderation
If you’re writing in Third Person Omniscient, but you keep confusing your readers, then it’s probably time to add more moderation to your prose.
Tip 1: Be more definitive. Instead of “writing around” the subject, stick a “was” or “felt” in there to tell your reader exactly what that character is thinking.
Tip 2: Create separation. Writing close to your character’s head and then swapping POV without warning can be disorienting for your readers. Instead, create separation between your readers and your character by using dialogue tags to mark thoughts and opinions so your narrative distance is higher when you swap characters.
Moderation Use in Limited Narration
In Third Person Limited, the goal of the narrator has changed. Instead of using moderation to provide a three-dimensional picture, the narrator wants to provide insight into your character’s head. If you’re using Third Person Limited, you have chosen this Point Of View (POV) because you want your reader to more deeply understand and connect with your POV character, but still have the option to step back if needed.
Quite often, third person limited POV will feature an unreliable narrator, which means that the picture your reader is forming of the world is not always objective. In some cases, an unobjective version of the world is preferable.
How does the use of moderation factor into achieving these goals? Great question!
If you’ll remember, moderation is a tool used by your narrator to help create distance from the reader and convey objectivity. This means that narratives which are written with the goal to create a perspective effectively tied around the POV character’s head want to reduce the level of moderation.
Here’s an example of the previous scenario written from Billy’s third person limited POV.
Billy’s head throbbed as he stared down at cuffed hands. How had he ended up here? Sure, he shouldn’t have run, but—
A man with a detective’s badge hung around his neck sat down on the other side of the table, interrupting Billy’s thoughts. The man’s sharp smile made Billy’s stomach queasy.
See the difference? Instead of telling the reader how Billy feels, we describe his throbbing head. Then, instead of using first person thoughts, we incorporate the thoughts right into the narrative. We can’t tell the reader what the detective’s derisive thoughts are, but we can show how Billy interprets the detective’s body language. Last, we didn’t tell the reader that Billy looked scared, but we did tell the reader that Billy’s stomach felt queasy.
How to Cut Unwanted Moderation
Moderation isn’t bad, but too much moderation can create a divide between your characters and your readers. If you find that your characters are not relatable enough, then it’s time to strip out some moderation.
Tip 1: Search for instances of “was”. It’s not always easy, but restructuring your sentences to avoid this word will force you deeper into the character you’re writing about.
Tip 2: Be more specific than “felt,” or “looked”. Instead of telling us that the character felt bad, describe the lightning pain which lances through their jaw every time they try to speak. Don’t tell us the character looks seedy, describe the tattered cloak hanging in strips off their shoulders.
Tip 3: Take advantage of your POV to incorporate thoughts into the narrative. If your reader understands that your MC is the POV character, then they know every word on the page is coming from that MC’s mind. Instead of using italics or quotes to frame a first-person thought, keep it in third person and just incorporate that thought into the narrative. This will provide the effect of your reader thinking the same thing as the character as they read it because you haven’t set that thought apart from the rest of the narrative.
And now to answer the question I’ve laid out in the title. At the end of the day, how much moderation is too much? It depends on your narrative style and POV. An Omniscient narrator requires enough moderation to avoid confusing the reader and provide the full picture they want to provide. A Limited narrator requires little enough to close the gap between reader and character without taking out so much that it becomes confusing.
So there you have it! Moderation is everywhere. Even if your book doesn’t have an explicit narrator, you use moderation to convey thoughts and ideas to your reader. How do all of you decide how much moderation is enough? Leave your answers in the comments below!
